Transporting Your Self: Canal Taxis

Before it got totally polluted and paved over, Bangkok was known as the "Venice of the East." These days, the chaotic city seems undeserving of such a tranquil nickname but, nevertheless, a smaller-than-before network of oily canals still hides behind the secret back alleys.

Along the network, canal boats stop at designated piers and shuttle passengers to neighborhoods along a route. In my experience, this public transportation option is largely untouched by the skytrain-riding farangs.

To catch a canal boat: wait at a pier. Soon, a boat going in the desired direction will arrive. Its helmeted deckhands will leap to the pier and loop a tow rope around some pilings. This will cause the boat to semi-violently crash into the pier, thereby allowing you a semi-safe opportunity to jump into its covered cabin. You will be amazed to see high-heeled Thai women perform this physical feat with apparent ease. Almost immediately, the boat will speed off. A deckhand standing on the boat's railing will collect your fair. A pulley system allows passengers to tug cords and raise a blue tarp over the boats sides. Unless you care to be covered in oily canal sludge, you will want to hide behind this splash protector. Despite the fact that it's probably dumping a shitload of pollutants into Bangkok's canals, the canal boat is by far one of my favorite means of public transportation.